The other day I decided to splash out and buy some Andrex Shea Butter toilet rolls so I thought I'd review them for you guys. Andrex have been at the top of their game for years. The secret to their success is quite simple, use a really cute puppy in advertising and packaging, normally bouncing along trailing a length of toilet paper out of its gob for added cuteness.
It's a plan that was pretty much fail proof as research has shown that the only people who don't like cute puppies are serial killers and dentists.
Andrex have evolved their line of toilet papers over the years to add "features" that make them more and more luxurious. These days you can find toilet paper that is quilted, scented and softened. It's pretty much the equivalent of wiping your bum with a fluffy cloud. And who doesn't want that?
History lesson over, I've been using my packet of Andrex Shea Butter toilet rolls for a couple of weeks now. Shea butter is commonly used in cosmetics as a moisturiser or lotion. The toilet paper is also enriched with vitamin E, which can't be a bad thing, although I'm not aware of any particular benefits gained from applying this directly to your anus.
I spoke to a respected nutritionist who confirmed that "while vitamin E should be taken in as many forms as possible, wiping your ass is not a viable alternative to eating peanuts."
So how is it in use? Deliberately avoiding any messy and graphic descriptions, it does a decent job at what it's supposed to do. It's very soft yet tough and not too thick, unlike some of the quilted papers available. I'll probably go back to the standard Andrex rolls I've always used with the pictures of puppies on them. I think I've got used to them and anything else feels weird.
The packaging for these Shea Butter enriched toilet rolls also contains "instructions" for people trying out toilet paper for the first time. Recently adopted feral kids who were raised by bears, for example. They recommend 3-4 sheets per wipe, I'd say 1 or 2 is adequate unless you're mopping up the remains of last night's curry.
Oh and wipe from front to back they say, because wiping the used side of toilet paper towards your genitals is bad. Then wash your hands before you stick them in your mouth (or anyone else's). All good advice.
In closing, they're OK. The benefits of shea butter and vitamin E in a toilet roll I'm unsure about, but they're worth a go if you fancy trying some luxury toilet paper.
I imagine Supernovi will pop by soon to say that he needs to wipe his ass at least 200 times per second or it's unwipeable, so these wouldn't be any good for him.
Come on people, review stuff...